Empowering Confidence: Part Three

Everly is partnering with Nancy Jacoby, RN, MBA, MHSA, FACHE, PCC — founder of Nancy Jacoby Coaching & Consulting — on a five-part blog series:

Empowering Confidence: Why Women Need to Own Their Voice at Work and in Life.

Part III: Confidence in the Workplace

Did you know the best way to build your confidence in the workplace is to practice doing things that build confidence?

Sounds like a bit of a paradox, right?

Building confidence is not a spectator sport. Just as you can’t learn to drive with the car in park, you can’t become more confident sitting on the sidelines watching. You have to put yourself in the ring and stand in the heat.

Many women leaders struggle with speaking up and being heard. Past negative experiences and fear of perception we may create often stop women leaders from speaking up and being heard (e.g. what if they think my idea is stupid?).

Here are three practical tips to overcome these obstacles:

1. Practice speaking up in lower pressure settings. Maybe there is a meeting where a high-stakes outcome is not on the table. This is a safer setting to practice speaking up.

2. If you know the topic beforehand, sketch out a few ideas and talking points. Preparation builds competence and confidence.

3. Visualize yourself confidently speaking up and sharing your ideas and input. Make your visualization as complete as possible. The fun part is that the brain doesn’t know the difference between practice and reality. By visualizing your confidence scenario and desired outcome as often as possible beforehand, you are reshaping your thought patterns, leading to less anxiety, and a more relaxed, confident (!) presence.

Many of my clients ask me about speaking up when it’s time to negotiate at work. Talk about a higher-stakes scenario!

A few years ago, I was talking with an emerging leader who was just promoted into a director role. Great news for her-she was a rising star.

Except for one thing: When she accepted the promotion offer, she accepted the salary offered without negotiating.

When I asked her why she didn’t negotiate her salary, she became flustered. She said she didn’t feel comfortable, she felt like since it was her first real leadership position, she should just take what was offered, she didn’t want to look greedy, etcetera.

These are common reasons I hear from new and seasoned women leaders. Women have been, and still are, being socialized to be more passive, to be more concerned about damaging relationships by asking for what they need, and to underestimate their own value.

I knew this woman well.  She was universally recognized as a superstar. And yet, when it came down to it, she didn’t feel she should, could or was worthy enough to ask for more.

When we think we are not worthy, when we don’t fully understand our value, and we don’t ask for what we are worth, we will continue to widen the pay gap.

Starting out at a lower salary as this leader did will impact her financial situation in the long-term. 

When you have the courage to ask for what you deserve, you are showing that you respect yourself and your value.  Courage commands respect.

Here are five ways to channel your confidence, ask for what you are worth, and get what you deserve:

1. Prepare, prepare, prepare.  Do your research. Understand the compensation for your skills and experience. Know the market value of similar positions in your area.

2. Seek support. Talk to colleagues and mentors who can give you honest feedback if self-doubt or imposter syndrome is getting in your way.

3. Openly discuss salary in your circles.  We (especially women) are socialized not to talk about money—particularly salary. Forget that outdated advice: Knowledge is power.

4. Speak last in the negotiation. Don’t be the first to offer a number—even when you will be pressured to do so. Most positions are tied to a budget and approval process.  Ask for the budgeted salary range. If pressured to give a number, aim high and always provide a range.

5. Slow the pace down. Breathe. When you can breathe, you can think more logically, and you won’t be as tempted to talk when you should be listening for critical intel.

Building confidence at work is just the beginning. When you start advocating for yourself professionally, that same courage often carries over into other parts of life. Whether it’s saying no to something that doesn’t align with your values, pursuing a dream you’ve been putting off, or finally speaking your truth in a relationship — confidence becomes your foundation for change.

You got this!

Next week: We’ll dive into how that same inner strength shows up outside the office — in the boundaries we set, the ambitions we chase, and the relationships we nurture. Stay tuned.

Missed the beginning of this series? Catch them here:

Empowering Confidence

Empowering Confidence: Part Two